Missing My Mom

For many years, I just really did not like Mother's Day. Kind of dreaded it in fact. I really just let it be a reminder of what I was missing. My mom died of breast cancer when I was 9 years old. In the grand scheme of possibilities, I really didn't have it that rough. After all...my dad is a saint. Seriously. I have no idea how he did it with 6 young kids by himself for so long. But he did...and did it well!

And really--my step-mom is wonderful. And I couldn't ask for a better mother-in-law. And I've had so many wonderful women in my life who have all helped to fill that big hole.

And yet.

Life without your mom is just hard. Anyone that says time heals...not really. With time you merely learn how to cope. There are so many times I just selfishly want her here. Times I selfishly want her to be a part of my children's lives. Here and now.

Then there were the years when we were trying to get pregnant and could not. Suddenly Mother's Day was a double whammy. I wanted to be a mom. But I couldn't. I wanted MY mom. But I couldn't.

But finally...I've started to see Mother's Day a little differently.

NOW, I choose to celebrate the years I DID have with my mom. 9 wonderful years where faith, love of music, fun traditions, and family love were deeply ingrained in me.

NOW, I choose to celebrate the wonderful women in my life who have helped to fill the huge hole that was left when my mom died. Looking back...I've always had at least one special woman in my life every day and everywhere I've lived. Someone was always placed in my path that I loved dearly and considered my second (or tenth!) mom.

NOW, I choose to celebrate the fact that I know that this life is not the end.

NOW, I choose to celebrate the ways my mom can guide and influence me and comfort me from the other side. Ways that she perhaps could not have influenced me if she were still alive. Maybe I'm the lucky one after all.

Becoming a mom has been very healing too. If you are still waiting for your miracle...have faith!

Being a mom has taught me to love more deeply. Being a mom helps me understand just how much my mom loves me. Being a mom gives me a renewed eternal perspective. Life would be so very pointless if there were no heaven where we could live together as families forever. Families ARE forever. And when I think of it like that, I wonder why we waste so much time and energy on pursuits that in the end...really do not matter. I love this quote:
"I have learned to say no to some things in order to be able to say yes to others. The most important yes we can say to our children is, "Yes, I have time for you." And for me that means both quantity and quality time." (Patricia T. Holland) Because really...what else really matters? A spotless house? Nope. A fancy house? Nope. Time for ourselves? Nope! We just never know when our time just might be up!

Hug your mom today. There are many like me that would give anything to have that chance.

Hug your kids today. There are many that would give anything to have kids. And many who would do anything for just one more hug from their angels who have passed on.

Find those out there who need a good mom. And give them a hug and be a mothering heart and a goodly parent to them every chance you get.

Find those out there that desperately want to be a mom. And give them a hug and be their friend every chance you get.

My resolve this Mother's Day is simply to be a better mom and to love and be a better mothering heart to those that are not mine. Someone recently said some very upsetting things to me about my boys. The comments cut me to the core. In my mind I thought, "Wow! If only you could see those boys as I do!" My next immediate thought was, "Oh, Krista. If only you could see her as I do." Yes indeed. If only we could all see ourselves and each other as our Father in Heaven does.

Happy (soon to be) Mother's Day!