One of "Those" Days

 Usually when I say it's been one of "those" days, I mean it in a bad way.  But today was one of "those" days that just fell into place.  Things were just plain good.  I'm ok.  The kids are ok.  We're all ok.

Back story:  This has caught my attention for quite awhile: "And ye will not suffer your children that they...fight and quarrel one with another...." (Mosiah 4:14)  And I always thought, "Yeah! But how?!? Can't do it1 Don't know how!"  "They just fight sometimes and there is nothing to be done." It was discouraging.  Then one day I noticed this right after the previous verse, "But ye will teach them...to love one another, and serve one another."  (Mosiah 4:15) Part of my answer was right there all along.  And so that is what I have been trying so hard to teach my boys.  To love each other and to serve each other.  But you know what? It is harder then you think.  Because that means that I have to go out of my way to love and serve everyone around me...but especially them.  If I want them to learn it, I have to model it.  Darn it.  "Hey mom, will you go get me a glass of milk?" My natural response really wants to be, "You have legs.  Go get it yourself."  But each time that is my answer, I think it teaches them how to respond when I ask them the same type of question.  When their rooms are messy, I want to tell them to go clean it.  That I shouldn't have to help.  I didn't make the mess.  Etc.  Instead, I have tried to surprise them and clean it for them instead.  Or to clean it with them.  But it is HARD to fight the GO DO IT YOURSELF and leave me alone attitude!  I'm lazy at times.  And I'm tired at times.  And a lot of times...I just DON'T WANT TO!  It is an internal fight each and every day.  Sometimes I win.  Sometimes I lose.

So back to today.  At lunchtime, Caleb left the table when he was finished eating.  He left his plate, bowl, spoon and cup at the table.  Not usual.  I let it slide.  When Carson was finished, he quietly put his things in the sink and came back and put Caleb's in the sink too.  I was struck by how thoughtful that was.  But what I soon found out was why Caleb had left the lunch table so quietly.  He had gone upstairs and folded both his and Carson's laundry (which was the plan after lunch).  And Caleb had put the laundry away for both of them.  Later this afternoon, I took the boys bowling.  Caleb was so eager to help Carson bowl and cheer him on that it just melted my heart.  Carson was just so happy to be with his brother and cheer him on that it melted my heart even more.  It was one of those happy moments I will always remember fondly.  Then again this evening, I said it was time to clean the playroom.  I came upstairs and found that Caleb had cleaned it all (and it was a big mess!) by himself as a surprise for me and Carson. Once again--awestruck!  I do not write these experiences to brag or make you think that my boys are always angels.  That's just not the case.  But it was just a good day. It was a day that gave me hope that they just might be learning to love and serve each other.  A day of hope that I'm not totally screwing up those two cute little boys!

Here's the thing.  We are surrounded by people, articles, facebook posts, blog posts, etc that tell us that parents these days are screwing things up.  Everywhere I turn, I hear and read things about how people cannot believe that parents let their kids do this or that.  About how a parent was acting at the store.  How a kid is acting at school.  How parents of this or that generation NEVER would have allowed certain behavior.  Etc etc etc.  Am I so bad because I let my kid watch a netflix show in the grocery store on a bad day? Do I spend too much time cleaning? Or not enough?  Do I teach them to work? Respect others? Do I give them too much or too little time to play video games?  Did I let them watch too many shows today? Why was I so impatient? Was only stopping long enough today to read one book and play a game with them enough?  Am I too permissive? Am I too strict? Do I smother and hover? Am I not involved enough?  It sometimes feels overwhelming to me.  I drive myself crazy.  I don't need other people's commentary and opinions in that department.

Every morning I start my day on my knees and end my day on my knees--praying and begging that I just won't mess up my kids *too* bad.  But really! I think we are all trying.  It's easy to judge the mom who is losing it in the store.  The dad who barks too loud at their kid.  The parents that are not involved enough.  The working mom.  The stay at home mom.  But what I do know--you just can't ever judge.  You just never know what burdens and weights a person is carrying.  What they are dealing with. That perhaps those burdens have made it so they just have zero emotional and/or physical energy left.  Perhaps you should be high fiving them because they are 1000 times better than their parents were to them.  Your little (or big) snapshot of their life is not enough to judge them.  You don't know what it's like to live their life, to work their job, to be in their relationships, to parent those kids in this time and place.  If you did--you probably wouldn't judge them in a harsh way, but would probably just be full of compassion.

A reason to sit back and say to yourself that you don't have to try to be better? To change for the good? No.  But.  Cut yourself a break. Pat yourself on the back for those little successes.   Hang on to those moments that give you hope.  Encourage those around you.  Pat them on the back on the good days.  Hug them on the bad.

Bottom line:  I am so grateful for days like today where I feel like I'm ok, my kids are ok, and life is good.