Research

Sometimes I miss school. I actually like to do research. But don't tell.

I've decided that I still do a ton of research. See? That college degree paid off, right? I mean...I don't mean to brag, but I think I am one of the top researchers in the world. At least in quantity. Not in quality.

I have so much scientific research going on each and every day. The whole process--beginning to end. Hundreds of times per week. It's exhausting really. But fun all the same.

Ask a Question
Here are some examples of my past research questions:
Why didn't Caleb take a nap today, but not yesterday? Why did Carson sleep through the night last night, but not the night before? Why was Caleb such a good eater tonight at dinner, but not last night? Why did Carson laugh so hard when I did that yesterday, but not today? Yeah, and why does Carson think Caleb is so funny, and not me? (Yeah, yeah, I know. None of those research questions are phrased in a way to make them good research questions...blah blah blah. You get the idea though.)


Do Background Research
I search the internet, read all the books, ask all the people who will give me the time of day. You know. Stuff like that.


Construct a Hypothesis
Construct a hypothesis? About a thousand hypotheses for each research question. This is really my strong suit. Let me give you some examples:

Perhaps the reason Carson slept through the night last night is because he wore his lucky blue shirt and snazzy yellow socks that day. Perhaps the reason Caleb was a good eater tonight was because he did three somersaults and played with the green train instead of the blue. I know. Genius, huh?


Test Your Hypothesis by Doing an Experiment
Meet my guinea pigs.

Caleb (testing another hypothesis of mine about how he will be in charge of his own bag for church if it is a bag he is excited about...so far it is a working hypothesis...)

My other guinea pig, Carson

(seen here sporting the gansta pajama look)

They’re the best kind of guinea pigs really. Although I used to really like the guinea pig my friend four doors down would walk to my house on a leash. Anyway. My poor guys are tested on hundreds of times per day. I wonder what the animal rights activists would think of my experiments on my poor boys? I expect a line of picketers outside my door any day now.


Analyze Your Data and Draw a Conclusion
Yup. It was definitely the lucky blue shirt and the green train. Carson better wear that blue shirt every day and Caleb better keep up on his somersaults and play with that green train. No blue trains. Sorry.


Communicate Your Results
Yup. I communicate them all the time. Poor Chris.

Then, a couple days later, I realize my hypothesis was incorrect and no longer holds true. Back to the next hypothesis. Don't worry, that too is communicated to Chris. Poor Chris.

My latest conclusion? Kids will do what they want/need despite my trying to analyze everything and figure them out. I can make all the adjustments I want...but I've decided that the kid is going to decide ultimately how things are done. And I've decided I need to just sit back and enjoy the ride more--analyze less. At least I decided two things, right?

It’s kind of like in that movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, where the girls convince the dad it was his idea for her to go to school. Same principle. Sometimes my kids let me think it was my idea when things work out.

Research for school was so much easier. It was usually a bit more clear-cut. Not quite as fun though. And at least I still use my brain every day, right? In fact, my brain usually hurts from thinking so much by the end of every day. Which leads me to my next hypothesis....